Taking Risks

I am not a risk taker.

I am not the kind of person who jumps out of airplanes, takes spontanous road trips, or tries new and daring fashions.

I do not ride roller coasters or motorcycles, I don't walk up to people and strike up conversations, and I don't make decisions unless I'm almost positive of the outcome.

I am the type of person who chooses the safe career of librarianship over a career in paleo-anthropology because someone thought that I couldn't do it.  I am the type of person who doesn't move to England for graduate school, choosing to hide behind an excuse of "it's too expensive". 

I make safe choices.  Safe choices that could also be described as boring or cowardly. 

I have a choice to make right now.  To take a risk or stay at home.  To try something that may work and be amazing or play it safe. 

But I'm afraid. 

Afraid of having my heart broken.  Afraid of doing something I may regret.  Afraid of not doing something and regretting it. 

So I have to make a choice.  Take a chance and risk my heart?  Or stay safe and risk regret? 

Choices suck.

Devestation and Heartbreak

Many of you are aware that I live in Alabama and I received several tweets and an even an email from concerned readers inquiring about my safety.  I thank you so much for your kind thoughts and I assure everyone that I am okay.  The major storms in my area were south and north of me and I only had some minor wind damage (limbs down, shingles missing) from some straight-line winds that came through yesterday morning.

I wish I could say the same for the rest of my state.

This is a picture of a community about 20 minutes north of my house.

 

I have mentioned before that I attended library school (and undergrad) at The University of Alabama which is located in Tuscaloosa.  Tuscaloosa was one of the hardest hit areas and at least 15 deaths have been confirmed.  We knew it was going to be bad when we saw the actual tornado barreling down on the town that I spent 6 years in. 

I don't think anyone could have imagined such destruction and such devastation.  This picture was taken on one of the main highways in Tuscaloosa and is about a block from where I used to live.  

My heart is breaking for my friends who lost their homes, cars, and so much of their lives.  The damage from this storm is unbelievable and so sad.  I hope you will join me in praying for those that have been affected by this powerful storm.

If you would like to help, the best thing to do is to donate to The Red Cross.  You can do that by texting "REDCROSS" to 90999 to make a $10 general donation or you can visit this site to donate money directly to the Birmingham chapter of the American Red Cross. 

If you would like to see more pictures of the devastation from around the state of Alabama, the Flikr stream set up by The Crimson White, The University of Alabama's student paper, and The Alabama Weather Blog have some great (and horrible) shots.

Practically Perfect In Every Way...Or Not

For some reason some people are under the impression that I’m a bit like Mary Poppins, practically perfect in every way.  And I can sort of see why.

You come here every day and read about my menu planning, my cooking prowess, how I’m such a great librarian, own a house, and have such an amazing social life that I actually complain about being too busy. 

Yeah, I could see where you might hate me.  If I was really like that, I would hate me too.

So I’m here to correct all those misunderstandings and clear the air.  I am not perfect.  Not in any way, shape, form, or fashion.  Nor will I ever be.   

Attempting to be perfect was something I worked incredibly hard at growing up.  I would look around school or dance class and see these girls who looked as if everything they did was effortless; that being so together and so good at everything came naturally.  They seemed like they had it all right, all together, and were just so perfect.  I tried and I tried to be like that and failed every time. 

But then I learned that I don’t have to be perfect.  And I especially don’t have to be perfect at things I’m not good at.  Which is probably why I (and this blog) sometimes give off the impression that I am perfect.  I only write about things that I do well; I only post recipes that are successful (or that at least turned out successful even though I messed up the recipe); I generally only share the happy parts of my life.  I have a very bad habit of only talking about the good and the things that go right.

I used to be much more forward about the crappy parts of life, admitting to things like being bullied as a teen, lacking in motivation, or struggling with depression, but, after taking a quick pass through my more recent blog posts, I noticed that I’ve stopped doing that.  Not for any particular reason, but it’s probably not a good thing as it has led to several emails, tweets, and comments as to how I manage to do it all.  How do I keep myself together, run a blog, own a home, work full time, and still have a great social life?

The answer is I don’t. 

At any given time, my house is a complete disaster from all the cat litter Caty tracks around and from the fact that I haven’t done laundry in two weeks.  I haven’t, despite my very best intentions, worked out in almost two weeks but I have baked several wonderful treats that I have no intentions of sharing.  I often ignore phone calls when I don’t feel like talking.  I abandon my meal plan (and my budget) at the slightest sign of a better opportunity such as grocery store sushi or an entire pint of Turtle Tracks ice cream.  I shut out everything and everyone for days at a time so I can do nothing but lay around, read, and watch way too much TV.  I oversleep every day and am almost always late for work.  I have OCD to the point that it occasionally interferes with everyday life.  I gossip and talk too much.  I complain, often to the point of ridiculous.  I procrastinate more than you could ever imagine. 

I don’t do it all.  I can’t do it all.  I never will.  And I will never be perfect, not in a million years.  Neither are you.  And that’s okay.

Do you struggle with perfection or feeling unequal to some of the bloggers you read?

I Don't Really Have Anything To Say...

So far it's just been one of those weeks. 

Work is really busy - the residents are working on their research projects and keeping me busy doing searches and pulling articles. 

The weather is super gross.  I'm sure many of you are snowed in or are dealing with some terrible winter weather.  Down here in Alabama we aren't getting any of that, just a lot of rain.  My office doesn't have any windows so I didn't realize it was raining when I left to meet my coworker for lunch.  Needless to say I was quite damp and irritated much of the day.

I think, along with the rest of the world, that I'm getting sick.  It may have something to do with the fact it was 73 degrees on Saturday and the high for tomorrow is barely getting out of the 30s. 

So, yeah.  It hasn't been the greatest week.  Nothing terrible has happened, but all of this has made me feel rather blah.  And very unmotivated.  Which may be why I scratched my dinner plans and made boxed mac and cheese and chicken nuggets.  :)  Sometimes we all need some easy-to-make comfort food.

On a slightly different and very random note: I think that flash mobs are awesome.  How amazing would it be part of one?  I've seen this one a few times and thought that I would share it in case you haven't seen it.  Enjoy!

Motivation

I have a huge problem with motivation.  In fact, I started this blog post before lunch, and it's now 4:00 and I've yet to find the motivation to finish writing it.  

Sometimes a lack of motivation is blamed on being a procrastinator.  I am a procrastinator; I will put off an unpleasant task until the very last minute, and I often procrastinate doing the simplest things.  I think the answer to why I procrastinate lies in a lack of motivation.  It's not that I don't care, I just can't seem to find the will to do the task.

Finding motivation is easy for some people.  Sometimes it's easy for me.  For example, I'm always motivated to read a new novel because I like to read and I know that I will get a lot of enjoyment out of it.  But finding motivation to menu plan, create a budget, write a paper, or reorganize my desk is a lot harder.  

I force myself to do these tasks, but often resent them and find a million things to complain about.  Clearly, I don't have a lot of motivation to do things I don't want to do.  I look for reasons to do these things, but I find more reasons not do them and better things I could be doing. 

A lack of motivation led to my blog hiatus.  I just wasn't feeling motivated to write anything.  I could come up with lots of ideas for new posts, but couldn't ever find the motivation to write them.  I'm still struggling with those same feelings, but am working to overcome them (hence this post).  

How do you get motivated?  What do you do to stay motivated?  Please share, I need your help!

Am I Back for Real This Time?

It's been a long time since I've blogged.  A lot has happened.  My library moved (and I survived!).  I started seriously looking for a house.  Fall came to visit for a few precious days before leaving us with a quick summer burst.  I let myself get into a funk again.  I discovered way too many new shows on TV.  

But I also did the usual things.  I baked.  I prayed.  I cooked like crazy.  I spent time with my family.  I did a lot of reading.  I watched a lot of football.

I'm going to really try to get back into my routine.  I already have a Tasty Tuesday post ready to go.  And I'm going to need to bake bread soon, so I'm still anticipating doing a step-by-step bread baking tutorial.  On Wednesday, I'm going to share my tips for moving a library without a lot of stress.  I'm doing two small speaking engagements soon, so look for my thoughts on that soon.

I also really want a new blog layout.  Is anyone out there who can help me?  It's time to break away from the sweet and uncomplicated.  I'm open to any advice/tips you have and any recommendations about who to turn to for good layouts.

What have you been up to recently ?  Any news to share?  What plans do you have for the next month or so?

Relax.

I haven't abandoned you, dear readers.  I'm just suffering from a massive case of writer's block (combined with a minor case of the blues).  

So until I can think of something relevant to talk about (any ideas??), take a look at my newly updated page on my reading list. (No, I haven't finished it which is why the name is now "The Reading List" as opposed to "Summer Reading".)

Until I think of something to write, have fun in your adventures! 

~Elizabeth aka LibrarianLizy aka LibrarianRx~

Where I’ve been…

You may have noticed that I haven't blogged since Wednesday. It wasn't intentional, like when I stayed away from the internet for a whole weekend. This was sort of an accident. Maybe it's only having a part-time job, maybe it's being back at home, I'm not sure, but things are not the best for me personally right now. My friend Megg at The Life of a Not So Desperate Housewife recently blogged about her depression reappearing. I was diagnosed with depression in 2005 and after a year or so of some hard work, I thought I was pretty much done with it. It's resurfaced a few times, just temporarily, but this time it seems to be hanging around. It's nowhere near as bad as it once was, and things are pretty tolerable. But sometimes, like these past few days, getting on the computer and writing something have seemed too exhausting.

I've been keeping busy by cooking, working, running errands, and attending the Alabama Library Association's annual convention (more on that soon!), but whenever I have some downtime I find myself sinking into a bit of a funk. I've got a lot going on in the next few months; my cousin is having her third baby (yay!), some good friends are coming back in town from grad school, I'm planning a trip to see my best friend before she moves, and I'm in a close friend's wedding in June. I'm hoping that having lots of activities and people to hang out with will prevent me from retreating too much into myself and making things worse than they are.

I'm sharing this with all of you because admitting that something is wrong is the first step in getting things right again. I don't think I need therapy or medication again, but friends to lean on, things to do, and people who depend on me give me a reason to get out of bed in the morning when even that small task seems impossible. So bear with me here as I try to regroup and get back on the right track. I have some great recipes and ideas to share this week, including details about my trip to the conference. Stay tuned!